How It All Began. . .

In late 2005/early 2006, shortly after returning to work after a few months off with my son, I met and befriended a very 'out', charming, lesbian woman I will refer to here as LK. She sat right across from me and we became fast friends through a mutual acquaintance. Not long after we met, I began to think things and feel things for her that I had never felt for any person, let alone any other man.

I think now would be the time to share that I always had girlfriends growing up, went boy crazy in high school and lead a very normal teenage girl lifestyle. As I look back now, one thing that stands out was the distance I created between my girlfriends and myself. I think on some level, I just never let myself have a strong connection with other women. I was afraid of it. My family was very conservative and the mind is a very powerful thing. My little brain was just not going to let me go there, because I knew my family (my father, especially) would never accept it. There are other reasons that I won't go into here, but I was desperately in need of my father's approval. And maybe I deep down I knew if I let myself think about women in a sexual fashion, I would never get it. Anyway, I digress. . .

LK and I began flirting via email and one thing led to another and I asked her out to dinner. She very directly told me that she shouldn't ever be alone with me and promptly accepted my invitation. Everything moved quickly from there and I found myself in a situation in which I had to make some extremely tough decisions. I had two small children and a husband at home. I remember I kept asking myself the question, "Am I a lesbian?" I don't know that I answered that question honestly prior to leaving my husband, but I am certain I can answer it now. Yes. I am. Completely.

Things got hard after I moved out of my house. My ex wouldn't leave and was not at all supportive or understanding. He was blindsided. As was I. He was very angry. I worried about my children and the consequences of my actions. It was pretty horrible.

LK was also facing a divorce from her partner and we both supported each other the best we could. Those were trying times. I sometimes have a hard time believing I made it out alive. :) She has been incredibly supportive of my decisions and I love her for that. We have had our share of ups and downs, but she is the woman I love with all of my heart and soul.

How are things now? Eh, they are good. LK and I live together and we share the kids 50/50 with their father. He's no saint, I assure you. But he's getting better. I still harbor some guilt about everything I put my children through, but I'm learning to let it go. My philosophy is a happy mom = happy kids. And honestly, they are doing just fine.