A Bad Day - Revisted

Yesterday was a bad day. I was running late to work, trying to fix lunches for the family and feeding the boys breakfast, pretty much simultaneously, when I discovered my 12 year old cat dead in the garage. He was laying in this strange position that didn't look comfortable, I bent down and pet his legs but he didn't react. My hectic morning, which was more or less a blur, suddenly stopped and had a much more acute focus than I had anticipated for the morning. I went inside to get K, I'm fanatical about my cats and K will tell you I like them more than most humans . . . I'll not disagree . . . BUT I KNEW I was mistaken, my kitty was okay, I was overreacting . . . . .K would make the cat be alive. . . . . . I was SURE of it. I was already crying when I went in the kitchen from the garage and asked for her help. Okay, that asking might have been sort of sobbing and . . . . . I really don't remember much else. . . . .or if I even used words. I may have just motioned to the garage.

K was kind enough to clarify for me that the cat was indeed dead. I made her check for breathing, turn him over, check again for breathing and then CHECK FOR BREATHING BECAUSE HE'S NOT DEAD. No denial here. I'm fine now, really :)

When we returned into the house, the kids were scared and thus begins my bad day revisited. I stopped and took a deep breath. D*mn, I didn't mean to scare the kids. For the 5 minute process of discovering my pet and confirming it's death, I only thought of myself and my pain. I looked into these tiny scared eyes fixed on me and my crying. I began to explain what had happened to the kitty. We spoke at great length, I cried all the while, but assured the kids I would be okay, we would all be okay, even when we get sad and it can be scary when grown ups seem sad. I gave them an opportunity, if they wished, to say goodbye to cat. They accepted. We pet him and told him he was a good boy. I told the kids he didn't suffer, he had a bad heart since he was a kitten and that he died painlessly in his sleep. All true.

And then it BEGAN . . . . . the raging debate between the youngest and the oldest child. The youngest began (sort of shouting) THE CAT GOT KILT, he seemed to like the sound and reaction of that. The older child, upset and understanding the cats death more, . . STOP IT HE JUST DIED HE DIDN'T GET KILLED. Insert me sort of quietly sobbing still (mind you it had been just 10 minutes since I discovered my cat dead) and K looking on helplessly.

I'll have you know this debate raged on until after dinner time. KILT vs. DEAD 2008. And I wasn't so sad anymore, as odd as that seems. We were all experiencing something, albeit hard, but we were doing this together. We were going to learn from it and we all really would be okay. We were all sharing our perspectives and thoughts. There were tears and discussion but no secrets. Part of the mystery of death was revealed to the children and their minds expanded, as did mine. You don't have to be a perfect parent, or parental figure. You won't always get the chance to pick the right time to share a lesson and expand minds young and old. Yesterday, life's lesson was swift, painful and confusing, but handled with honestly, love, compassion and sharing. Even in the very end, my cat kept giving to me and my family. He really was a good boy and will be missed.