Please forgive me. I wasn't planning on using this as a vessel to bitch about people in my life, but I just have to get this out. Plus my therapist told me it would be a good idea. Haha!
My ex husband is driving me to the brink of insanity. I attended my son's basketball game on Saturday afternoon (if you haven't ever watched 12 six year old boys play basketball, please do - they are freakin' adorable). We did not have the children this weekend and I showed up to the gym alone. I was sitting in the front row of the bleachers and just as I sat down, my 2 year old son and his dad came walking into the room. My 2 year old spotted me almost immediately and lavished me with hugs and kisses. My ex, on the other hand, couldn't even manage to give a courtesy hello or any other acknowledgement. In fact, he didn't say one word to me the entire game.
Now, I'm not asking for us to be chatty or personal. At all. I don't want that. But a hello would have been respectful. His anger is so poisonous. The children can sense it and he's teaching them how to become himself - an immature, angry little boy. He can't seem to put his shit aside for the children's sake. And it frustrates me to no end. I know I have no control over him and I have to set my boundaries for the sake of my mental health, but it truly is maddening. He's such a martyr. Always the victim. And everyone around him plays right into it.
I guess part of the reason all of this is so difficult is because I have first hand experience with divorced parents. I know it can be different. I know that two parents can be in the same room and carry on a conversation and be cordial for the sake of their children. My parents divorced when I was 15 and it was the best thing that ever happened to our family. They stopped fighting. Everyone got along, even if it wasn't under one roof. My parents attended all the birthdays, and school functions, graduations, etc., and they were respectful, almost friendly to one another. It was their way of showing us kids that it wasn't our fault. And I suppose that's my fear. That my children will sense their dad's anger and somehow feel it's their fault. And that is unacceptable.
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3 comments:
I'm sorry. Been there done that, still do on a regular basis, it sucks. I hear that it gets better in ten years...
it does get better.
and i can also attest that kids don't necessarily pick up the negative energy.
just keep being a positive force in their lives and absolutely expose them to loving and respectful relationships.
when the grow up - you'll learn amazing things from them about their perspective of this time in your lives (oh, it helps if you're having cocktails - having grown kids rocks)
You've been tagged for a meme!... hope nobody else got you already -- seems like everyone else has already done it. Anyway, take a look at my site to see the rules. :)
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